After reading and working through The Millionaire Messenger by Brendon Burchard a lightbulb (or three!) went off. Suddenly I was knee-deep in an idea that will change my life. The idea isn’t a new one, really. I just didn’t believe in myself enough to allow the idea to blossom into its potential. But the books I’ve read and the conversations I’ve had with three experts and two friends woke me up to how silly I was being.

I cannot emphasize enough how crucial CLARITY is to positive change and growth. Only when you get clear – I mean really clear – on exactly what it is you want, can life show you the way. And only with LASER FOCUS are you able to use that clarity to stay on the path to get where it is you truly want to be.

Enough of the rah rah talk :-) The point is, I’m planning big changes for my life and those changes will affect the purpose, content and design of this site. I hope you will enjoy the changes and I look forward to your feedback as I begin rolling them out.

So if you don’t see me on here very often the next few months, don’t worry; I’m not giving up on the dreams or passions I’ve rambled about for years. Exactly the opposite: I’m making those dreams and passions my life’s focus.

And I hope you are doing the same thing :D

P.S. It’s true what “they” say about TV being a HUGE time suck. I cancelled Dish Network in January 2011 and saw an immediate increase in productivity for my business; my attention’s been redirected to reading which, I believe, is directly related to my finding much-needed clarity and focus; and my procrastination has decreased by at least 75% (that’s a big deal for me).

Photo credit: Burt Johnson

Imagine my surprise when A CLIENT mentioned that writing always took her longer than planned. “I can’t write 500 words in less than three hours without sacrificing quality,” she said. It was obvious she too struggled with perfectionism. So I shared with her my process (below) which she now uses and loves.

The writing process of a former perfectionist:

1. Brainstorm and outline the article on notebook paper. This step assumes you’ve already done the necessary research for your piece. I find the physicality of writing with pen and paper stimulates the creative juices more than typing.

TIP: Don’t want to handwrite your outline? Use an audio recorder. Often during playback, new – sometimes even better – stuff will come to you.

2. Write the article. The most important part of this step is absolutely NO EDITING while you write. I mean it, none! This was the step my client thought might kill her because she would write a couple paragraphs then go back to the top and edit. Write a few more, scroll back up to the top, and edit the whole thing again. No wonder it took her hours and hours to write one article.

3. Take a break for at least 30 minutes.

TIP: For longer pieces, 500 words or more, I stay away for at least 2 hours.

4. Re-read the article. NO EDITING. Read through the entire piece as the audience would and make notes on the paper where you wrote your outline. The point is, you don’t want to activate your Inner Critic just yet.

5. Now you’re ready to edit. The method used for editing is a whole other discussion.

TIP: Set a time limit so you don’t over-edit. My max is 30 minutes for every 500 words.

6. After the first editing session, let the piece simmer for at least 24 hours no matter the length. My client would spend HOURS (in one session!) editing 500 words, hit publish, then come back the next day and still find “problems.” You need time away from the words so they regain their “freshness.”

7. The following day print out the piece and re-read it again. NO EDITING. If you spot a misspelled word or incorrect/missing punctuation feel free to mark up your paper, but save the hardcore editing for Step 8.

8. Make the last round of edits. Again, set a time limit to prevent over-editing.

9. Re-read the article for a third (and final) time but only for obvious mistakes in grammar or spelling. By this step the guts of your article should be relatively stable. If not, well, that’s another discussion.

10. Hit PUBLISH or SEND depending on the medium to which you’re submitting the piece. Consider the article set in stone at this point. It’s tempting to go back and re-read a recently published blog post “just one more time” but I guarantee if you do you will find “just one more thing” to correct, change, rearrange or tweak.

TIP: Use published material to improve future work. I encourage you to re-read old posts as a way to enhance your skills and inspire new topics. But you have to be strong enough to resist the Inner Critic, who will whisper ways you could edit what’s already been published.

Remember, my method may not work for everyone. And it doesn’t work for me when I write anything fiction – flash, short story, novella, etc. But I figured, seeing how I’m most definitely not the only former perfectionist in the world, this process might help others write posts or articles for their blog or website.

Photo credit: David Ashe

Hopefully, [one of] your blog’s main objectives is the ability to connect with other people: from those down the street to those on the other side of the world. And if that is the main purpose of your blog, networking will likely be the easiest way to get more visitors. It may seem an obvious next step but more often than not it’s the step most bloggers skip, choose to ignore or don’t know about.

Before you network, answer these questions:

• Why do I want to network? If you answer “to get more people to read my blog,” then you’re coming from a place of “take,” and the Universe will send you one-time visitors with whom you’ll form no bond. Build relationships, share knowledge, generate interest in a particular topic, support independent artists, etc. illustrate “give” answers.
• With whom do I want to network? This relates to your audience and the type of blog you maintain. For example, if you blog writing tips, writers are the obvious choice. But don’t be scared to narrow your focus.
• Where does / would my audience hang out? It’s important to pinpoint your target audience or else you’ll receive bunches of generalized visitors, which could mean a high bounce rate. Again, don’t be afraid to network within your niche and nowhere else, at least in the beginning. Solid connections are your goal as they will develop into lasting relationships.
• How do I want to connect? Your answer correlates to what you answered above. What if your audience is predominately on Twitter, but you can’t bring yourself to tweet or hadn’t planned on setting up a Twitter account? Then you may want to compromise. Know where you audience is and be there with them. Don’t let your lack of technology know-how stop you. There are literally millions of blogs and sites with easy-to-follow instructions.
• What will I share while networking? Are you going to reveal details about your personal life? Or will you keep interactions “on the surface” and only related to your blog’s theme?

Quick tips for quality networking:

1. Make it easy for readers to connect. Position your RSS link in a prominent location so readers can subscribe to your blog. The same goes for any e-mail subscription options. And don’t forget to share links to your Facebook, Twitter, YouTube profiles.
2. Share, share and share some more. Utilize plugins like ShareThis or AddThis to automate your networking. Also, get in the habit of, when you read a blog post you like, click the “Share” or “Like” button and add a personal message to let others know why they should check it out.
3. Include your blog link everywhere. Make sure your e-mail signature, forum signature and profiles all contain the URL of your blog. That way whenever you post a comment or tweet, visitors will be able to click the link to read more from you.
4. Leave comments on the blogs you visit. Many visitors will discover your blog just by seeing your name in the Comments section of their favorite blog. People are curious and like to click links, which is why #3 (your blog link) is crucial to have in place before you start commenting on others’ blogs.
5. Submit your blog to directories. There are gazillions of these nowadays; Technorati and Alltop are my faves. Click here for more.

Five networking habits to avoid:

• Don’t ever – and I mean ever(!) – spam readers.
• Don’t expect readers to share your posts or leave comments if you (1) don’t make it easy for them and/or (2) don’t ask them. “Comment with your thoughts below” or “click ‘Share’ if you liked this article” are all it takes, usually.
• Don’t include your blog link within the body of your message. One link in the signature or comment form is enough. The point is, give more than you take.
• Don’t hijack a “conversation” with useless comments. Take the time to read the previous comments and join in only if you have something to add. Sometimes “I loved your post” or similar comments are acceptable, but take the time to let the author know why; this shows her you really read it and cared enough to elaborate.
• Don’t “follow” every single blog you come across. Be selective and relationship-building will be that much easier. Quality over quantity is key.

Quality networking and valuable content are built on The Golden Rule. Remember that, and you’ll start off with a solid foundation to get more visitors to your blog.

Author’s Note: I was inspired to write this series of posts because I’m sick of seeing what I love about blogs (and other social media) being exploited; therefore, I wanted to remind people (those who care about keepin’ it real) that you don’t have to be “an expert” or tech genius to get your blog in front of its intended audience. Hopefully, these posts will help bloggers connect with that audience.

Photo credit: Thomas Picard

It’s not much of a surprise: if there’s a way to exploit people’s ignorance, someone will give it a go. My clients are consistently shocked with how much I’m able to do for them because I don’t hype my extensive experience in social media marketing and SEO. That is why I always recommend they get a second and third opinion before dishing out hundreds and thousands of dollars to anyone claiming to be “an expert.”

The big secret to get more visitors to your blog is: The Golden Rule. Does anyone remember that old thing? Basically, you treat others how you would want to be treated in the same situation. So how does that apply to blog traffic? Simple, really.

Why do you visit a particular blog? Is it because of their fancy design? Or their page ranking? Or the amount of back links? I daresay nope.

Chances are you visit a blog because its author wrote a post (or comment) that grabbed your attention. Maybe a catchy headline piqued your interest. Or maybe the author discussed a topic for which you’d been searching. Perhaps you felt a personal connection with the author. And once you were on their blog, you liked what you saw and stayed a while. The point being, the content was valuable to you; it fit your immediate needs.

How do you know if your content is valuable?

It is something you want to read when you take off your “Writer” hat.

Quick tips for valuable content:

1. Identify your audience. The audience depends your blog’s niche and purpose.
2. Be your audience. Put yourself in their mind. What information would you enjoy reading? Is your topic something that’s been written to death? Don’t guess, do a search to find out. If so, do you have a unique viewpoint to give it a fresh feel? Will you write the post to inform, inspire, or incite your audience?
3. Give the post an accurate title with a fun twist. Your title should incorporate keywords and describe the post’s content but by all means give it some oopmh.
4. Select keywords (a.k.a. tags and categories) to attach to your post. Tags and categories make it easier for your audience to find exactly what they’re looking for. Think like a reader when you pick keywords.
5. Publish posts on a regular basis. This doesn’t mean you have to publish every day or even every week. But a blog that’s updated frequently will attract more loyal readers. Readers want to connect and, if they can’t depend on that connection, they’ll look elsewhere.

You get the idea: Treat your blog’s visitors and readers how you’d want to be treated.

• Don’t force yourself to write a post; write because you want to and are excited about it.
• Don’t trick visitors with a headline that’s irrelevant to your post’s topic and/or content.
• Don’t stuff the post with unrelated keywords.
• Don’t stuff the post with keywords solely for the purpose of increasing traffic.
• Don’t write 500 words in one long continuous paragraph with no line breaks or formatting. And for pete’s sake, spell check!
• Don’t include oversized images or other large files. Link to them instead.
• Don’t rehash a topic that’s been done over and over and over.
• Don’t publish a post if it’s going to get buried underneath tons of affiliate ads. This is a personal pet peeve; it’s too overwhelming to find the content in between all those ads, so I just give up and look elsewhere. Keep the ads in the sidebar.

Remember, the first and most important step for how to get more visitors to your blog is to always write from a place built on The Golden Rule. Don’t forget your audience’s needs are first and foremost.

Think you have solid content? Then your next step would be networking and I’ll offer my two cents on that topic next week.

One caveat to the above suggestions is the blogger who journals. In your circumstance gaining readers is a little trickier because it’s more about making “friends” than attracting readers. It’s not impossible, and it might even be easier, but it most definitely means you must excel at networking.

Author’s Note: I was inspired to write this series of posts because I’m sick of seeing what I love about blogs (and other social media) being exploited; therefore, I wanted to remind people (those who care about keepin’ it real) that you don’t have to be “an expert” or tech genius to get your blog in front of its intended audience. Hopefully, these posts will help bloggers connect with that audience.

Photo credit:Shannah Pace

So I took advantage of the solar-powered motivation to:

• catch up on three baskets of laundry;
• finish the first draft of a short story;
• outline 15 blog posts;
• troubleshoot the missed schedule problem on my blog – none of the solutions have worked…yet;
• begin the inventory of my personal library that I’ve wanted to do for two years;
• begin a painting project with my daughter – I’m no painter but it’s still fun;
• discuss classic literature with my daughter and order our first set of “complete book with study guide” for such gems as Frankenstein and Great Expectations. She also wants to read Shakespeare and she selected Hamlet and A Midsummer Night’s Dream to get started there. Oh, and she begged for H.G. Wells and Jules Verne so, of course, I caved and ordered a box set and Twenty Thousand Leagues Under the Sea, respectively.

Plus, there was time for movies – yay!

• Prince of Persia: The Sands of Time (2010) – Jake Gyllenhaal can do no wrong in my eyes! But I’d put this movie off for a very long time because I just wasn’t expecting much. It was a pleasant surprise to say the least. Great entertainment and, for its genre, did everything it was supposed to.
• The Disappeared (2008) – I found the pace just a tad slow but Harry Treadaway’s performance kept me connected. And while the story’s been done before, I wasn’t bored. Oh, and Tom Felton (Draco Malfoy from the Harry Potter films) did a fine job; although, it caught me a little off guard to hear him drop the f-bomb. It’s still hard to believe he’s an adult.
• Blackout (2008) – The less you read about this one, the better. It’s a psychological thriller with some splashes of horror that will probably leave you in the middle of the road as far as overall rating. I’ve seen many “people trapped in an elevator” or “people locked in a room” type flicks so I walked away from this one feeling just okay about it. I’m curious if the book on which it’s based, by Gianluca Morozzi, is better.

Overall, a peaceful yet productive weekend. The time sucks I’ve allowed to creep in the last six months are being eliminated. (Turn off your cable or satellite and you’ll see just how much you’re capable of getting done!) And progress is being made on my goal to finish one story before going on to the next. Good times!

Are you feeling the effects of winter?

Do you find you have [more, less, the same] productivity in the winter?

Photo credit: Sergey Soldatov

While there are many possibilities and opportunities to come in 2011, don’t forget to slow down and be present right now. This day has so much to offer as long as you remember to stay in the now and count your blessings.

So to all my family and friends, have a very happy celebration today! Stay warm, stay safe and enjoy those priceless moments with your loved ones, for they are far too short.

Photo credit: Liberty Films
[IT'S A WONDERFUL LIFE is my all-time favorite movie, ever!]

My health
I’m not in perfect shape. And I could definitely use a trip to the dentist. But overall, I’m not doing too shabby. Hopefully all the chocolate I’ll eat between now and December 31st won’t have too big an effect. The ability to see, touch, taste, hear and feel won’t be taken for granted. I count my blessings every day I am able to: wake up, breathe, get out of bed on my own, walk to the kitchen, fix my breakfast, eat, shower, listen to music, watch movies and feel my daughter’s hugs. Thank you, universe! (And DNA.)

My daughter
Readers of this blog (and my Facebook and my Twitter) are probably nauseated by the love fest I throw for my kid but she really is the best of me: my biggest contribution to society. The road hasn’t always been smooth, and I’m sure I’ve screwed her up for life in at least two ways; however, I make up for my mistakes with unconditional love. I respect who she is, accept her differences, and look forward to every day I get to watch her grow as an individual. Thank you, Elysia!

My mother
No, we don’t have the best relationship. No, we probably won’t ever resolve our issues. But I am thankful for her nonetheless. She showed me what strength and determination really are. She taught me how to be an independent thinker and leader. She showed me how to be a successful virtual assistant. She taught me to never give up on my dreams. Without her support I definitely would’ve had a much more difficult road to where I am now. Thank you, mom!

There is a lot I treasure in my life – my sister, nature and the arts to name just a few – but for now, for this year, the above are my top three. What are you most thankful for?

Photo credit: Colleen Proppe (Be sure to check out Colleen’s web site and blog as well.)

Last week’s post, Failure Is Not an Option; It’s a Necessity, discussed commitment to forward motion no matter how many check marks accumulate under the “Fail” column on my list of goals for 2010. The comments – both on the blog and via e-mail – were fabulous.

And very much appreciated!

However, I found myself wondering why so many readers responded with “Don’t give up!” or “Never quit” – as if my confessed failures would dissuade me. It was then I realized some people were under the impression sharing my failures meant I would consider quitting or giving up.

Nothing could be further from the truth.

When I fail I don’t even see quit as an option. Instead, I see an opportunity to learn and grow. Another way to prove how much better I can be or do.

The reason I share my not-so-stellar moments on this blog is two-fold: (a) to demonstrate how much I enjoy being honest at all times, even during the rough patches, and (b) to help other people, who feel like failures, realize they don’t have to give up or be afraid to admit their failures or mistakes.

Here are my revamped goals for 2010:

My Passions

Somewhere along the way I lost sight of my core passions – the passions without which my life would feel empty and joyless. They are (1) my daughter (2) my writing (3) reading, and (4) movies. You may look at my passions and think, “Movies? You’d feel empty without movies?” But, honestly, yes. The immense delight movies give me is second only to reading a book, which probably dates back to my unhappy childhood and the refuge I found in books and later in film.

The interesting thing is, I discovered all four core passions intertwine rather seamlessly with one another, which makes for much easier goal-setting.

(1) My Daughter

Geez, I love that kid! But she’s not little anymore; she’s officially a young woman now, and while most moms probably find the transition from “kid” to “tween” or “teen” scary and sad, I’m stoked. It’s exciting to share in her growth, to nurture her passions, to coach her during the uncertain times, to comfort her when she’s sad, and to celebrate the hell out of the happy moments. However, sticking with total honesty, I struggle with balance.

So, here’s what I really want to achieve / put into place: A consistent and pleasant balance in our daily routine.

The biggest obstacle to overcome here is my business – the nature of the service I provide conflicts with what I’d like to accomplish in my personal life.

(2) My Writing

First, in case I didn’t shout it loud enough five months ago, I finished my novel. It’s been shelved since then but it is written. For that accomplishment I am super proud of myself. (You should hear my Inner Critic right now, “But it needs revised. It’ll probably need rewritten. You’ll never find a publisher.” And on and on. Getting him to shut the eff up is still a constant battle.)

Second, for those who haven’t read my About page, I established a writing routine and I’ve stuck with it. Finally! That’s another huge accomplishment for me. (Again with the damn Inner Critic, “Notebooks full of ideas, half-written stories, scene cards, and finished but unpublished short stories aren’t anything to be proud of.” See what I put up with? Good thing I’m stronger than him.)

So, here’s what I really want to achieve / put into place: Finish the current story before I start or move onto the next.

The biggest obstacle to overcome here is my expertise in procrastination – unfortunately, my blog and networking are my preferred method of putting off to tomorrow what I could finish today. Therefore, I’m only allowed to write blog posts, tweet or update Facebook after I’ve contributed to my current story each day. Of course a little flexibility will be needed for those days when I hit a creative roadblock, but I’ve found when I do run into those obstacles, writing blog posts – especially movie reviews – stimulates my Muse.

(3) Reading

Alas, the 75 Book Challenge is now officially out of my reach for 2010. I’m a fast reader but I can’t do 54 books in 71 days unless I re-read all the books I own under 300 pages. But I want to read for enjoyment not just to get it over with.

So, here’s what I really want to achieve / put into place: A consistent reading routine much like what I did with my writing.

The biggest obstacle to overcome here is the couch magnet – lately I’ve had a really tough time choosing a book over the TV. I don’t know why either; I love reading and when I crack open a new story, I usually can’t close the book until I’m finished. And when I watch TV I usually zone out anyway. My desire to read is stronger than any excuse though. Weekends are the optimal time to read, I’ll start there.

Oh, and I’m seriously considering canceling my satellite service to see how it would be to live without TV for a while. Whenever I talk about it, I feel excited, so maybe I need to just do it already. Gawd would my productivity increase! Probably double. But my daughter might disown me – she’s loves TLC and Discovery.

(4) Movies

Well, I don’t really have trouble making time for movies. Oh, how I love them!

So, here’s what I really want to achieve / put into place: A consistent movie routine – both watching and reviewing.

The biggest obstacle to overcome here is other more important responsibilities – my business, my daughter, or my writing is usually the reason why I don’t watch a movie. And mood / frame of mind also affects my motivation to stay focused and take notes (for writing reviews) rather than get lost in the film’s world.

My Plan

I will do as much as possible to make progress on these four core passions with the remaining 71 days in 2010. If I don’t meet (or exceed) these goals, then I will simply add whatever was missed to my list for 2011. No pressure. No deadlines. Just be present each day and move forward. I don’t know if I’ll “succeed” but I know I won’t give up.

Photo credit: Patrick Q (Flickr)

Why am I posting my response here instead of there?

When my comment surpasses the 100-word mark I feel it’s more polite to share it here rather than bogart so much space on someone else’s page. Perhaps I’m just being weird but, hey, when has that ever stopped me from doing something?

While you read my response keep in mind I didn’t get my first cell phone until 2005 (and only then because my mother guilted me into it) and I just received my first MP3 player in June 2010 as a birthday gift. I limit my use of technology to a need-to-have-to-function basis unless it’s a gift; I’ll play around with the gift for awhile and then either shelve it, donate it to the library or freecycle it. The simple personal life I strive to maintain requires the limited use of stuff I deem as unnecessary luxuries.

Electronic readers and iPads and whatever other incarnations of these in the future, are, I believe, here to stay. But will they completely replace physical books? Technology has proven to be very, very good at providing small changes that are capable of big differences in people’s lives. This, surely, will be one of those things. I do think they will eventually replace physical books – but not for a very long time. There will still be hold-outs like myself. (Excerpt from “The Future of Books.”)

Great post, Eileen! And I agree eReaders are cool, fun and convenient. In June 2010, a relative let me play around with her Kindle, a neat little device that impressed me with its ease of use, storage capacity and lightweight design.

But I won’t buy a Kindle or any of its species.

I spend somewhere between 10-12 hours each day reading a computer screen for my business. Then, add on the time I spend writing my fiction in MS Word, reviewing my daughter’s lessons, researching / mind-mapping, networking, reading blogs, and doing my personal bookkeeping. By the time I’m finished with those recurring items, the thought of reading any electronic device makes me antsy and grumpy — even the microwave’s timer or the digital clock irks me at that point. All I want to do at the end of the day is curl up in bed with a good old-fashioned tangible door to another world that requires only three things to operate: my eyes, my hands and my imagination.

Where technology, electricity and batteries fail, books never let me down.

In addition, one of my favorite things about the morning is waking up to the crowded bookshelf across from the bed that reminds me I’m only a few feet away from the escape I’ll get after the day’s exhausting technology-packed activities. It certainly would not fill me with the same warm fuzzies to see my bookshelf housing only an eReader.

And what about the children?

Are we honestly going to allow real children’s books to become extinct? To become mere “collectibles” our children only hear about? An eReader cannot give parents and kids the same experience – namely bonding outside the world of technology – that beautifully told and illustrated stories like The Tale of Peter Rabbit or Guess How Much I Love You have for years and years. I won’t even mention the Dr. Seuss books. Oh wait, I just did.

Seriously, would you get more nostalgic thinking back on your first childhood reading experience if it was centered around reading an electronic device or reading a hardcover story with colorful illustrations? Kids love to turn pages. They love to trace their fingers over words and shapes and pictures. I don’t know why we’d want to eliminate that experience from their early development especially if we’re trying to nurture new readers into lifelong readers.

I will always have real books and I hope they don’t end up as just “collectibles.” Surely there’s a way to balance this technological advancement with the demand of old-timers like myself and with the needs of those who cannot afford to purchase an eReader and eBooks. Low-income families already have a tough enough time when it comes to reading and having enough books on hand, this will only make that gap even larger. It’s sad enough that libraries are falling by the wayside, please don’t allow books to do the same.

If I’m forced to buy an eReader for lack of the real books I want to read, I’ll be a very unhappy camper, I mean, reader. And should someone attempt “to pry a book out of my cold, dead, hand” they’re gonna end up haunted by one cranky chick for the rest of their life. Just sayin’.

So, chime in: Have you already converted to the dark side; that is, have you joined the eReader revolution?

I’d love to hear some feedback from those on either side of this issue.

Recent events have forced me to contemplate a major source of conflict in relationships: jealousy. It’s crazy the extent to which some people will go to feel in control of the person they love. From my experience, the tighter hold you feel you need on your partner, the less hold you have on the relationship.

And I’ve also learned that jealousy stems from one person’s insecurities, fears, doubts, baggage, etc. and very often has nothing to do with their partner. Yes, partners can be the trigger, but you always have a choice in how you react.

“The more incomplete we feel, the more obsessed we become with owning someone on whom we’ve projected all our missing qualities, hence the more jealous we become.” – Gloria Steinem

Now, don’t get me wrong, I was a jealous chick in my late teens, early twenties. But I outgrew that useless emotion and refuse to shake hands with the fiendish brute ever again. Why?

Jealousy is a complete and total time suck. (Just like worry and guilt.)

It does not make you feel better and it certainly doesn’t solve any problems. Once I figured out how pointless it is to “What if…” all the time, to second-guess my worth in a relationship, I felt tons lighter (emotionally) and free for the first time. There was no longer an overwhelming drive to know everyone my partner talked to, where they went, what they did – I just trusted that things were on the up and up – I respected my partner enough to give him space to breathe, live, have fun without me. For the first time I knew and believed that I was worth being with and, if he was smart enough to see that, then everything would work out.

“The jealous are troublesome to others, but a torment to themselves.”

Why waste valuable time wondering, sneaking, trolling, second-guessing when you can simply talk about your concerns with your partner? What? You can’t talk to each other? Then why the hell are you married or committed to that person in the first place? Fundamental compatibility seems to be grossly overlooked in today’s relationships.

“Why do people persist in a dissatisfying relationship, unwilling either to work toward solutions or end it and move on? It’s because they know changing will lead to the unknown, and most people believe that the unknown will be much more painful than what they’re already experiencing.”

The key to a relationship’s success, in my humble opinion, hinges upon:

- Trust

- Communication

- Respect

Without those three attributes as the foundation for your relationship, you’re in for a bumpy ride. And I haven’t even taken into account the fundamental compatibility and emotional baggage you both bring to the table, which will inevitably affect your ability to maintain that foundation. In other words, until you are the best you possible (or are consistently working to become that improved person), and you love who you are, then no partner will ever live up to your standards, they will never be able to enjoy being with you, and you will most certainly push them away with your behavior.

“Jealousy is simply and clearly the fear that you do not have value. Jealousy scans for evidence to prove the point – that others will be preferred and rewarded more than you. There is only one alternative – self-value. If you cannot love yourself, you will not believe that you are loved. You will always think it’s a mistake or luck. Take your eyes off others and turn the scanner within. Find the seeds of your jealousy, clear the old voices and experiences. Put all the energy into building your personal and emotional security. Then you will be the one others envy, and you can remember the pain and reach out to them.” – Jennifer James

Do you get jealous? What triggers it?

(This doesn’t mean only romantic relationships. It could also be work, friends, etc.)