Imagine my surprise when A CLIENT mentioned that writing always took her longer than planned. “I can’t write 500 words in less than three hours without sacrificing quality,” she said. It was obvious she too struggled with perfectionism. So I shared with her my process (below) which she now uses and loves.

The writing process of a former perfectionist:

1. Brainstorm and outline the article on notebook paper. This step assumes you’ve already done the necessary research for your piece. I find the physicality of writing with pen and paper stimulates the creative juices more than typing.

TIP: Don’t want to handwrite your outline? Use an audio recorder. Often during playback, new – sometimes even better – stuff will come to you.

2. Write the article. The most important part of this step is absolutely NO EDITING while you write. I mean it, none! This was the step my client thought might kill her because she would write a couple paragraphs then go back to the top and edit. Write a few more, scroll back up to the top, and edit the whole thing again. No wonder it took her hours and hours to write one article.

3. Take a break for at least 30 minutes.

TIP: For longer pieces, 500 words or more, I stay away for at least 2 hours.

4. Re-read the article. NO EDITING. Read through the entire piece as the audience would and make notes on the paper where you wrote your outline. The point is, you don’t want to activate your Inner Critic just yet.

5. Now you’re ready to edit. The method used for editing is a whole other discussion.

TIP: Set a time limit so you don’t over-edit. My max is 30 minutes for every 500 words.

6. After the first editing session, let the piece simmer for at least 24 hours no matter the length. My client would spend HOURS (in one session!) editing 500 words, hit publish, then come back the next day and still find “problems.” You need time away from the words so they regain their “freshness.”

7. The following day print out the piece and re-read it again. NO EDITING. If you spot a misspelled word or incorrect/missing punctuation feel free to mark up your paper, but save the hardcore editing for Step 8.

8. Make the last round of edits. Again, set a time limit to prevent over-editing.

9. Re-read the article for a third (and final) time but only for obvious mistakes in grammar or spelling. By this step the guts of your article should be relatively stable. If not, well, that’s another discussion.

10. Hit PUBLISH or SEND depending on the medium to which you’re submitting the piece. Consider the article set in stone at this point. It’s tempting to go back and re-read a recently published blog post “just one more time” but I guarantee if you do you will find “just one more thing” to correct, change, rearrange or tweak.

TIP: Use published material to improve future work. I encourage you to re-read old posts as a way to enhance your skills and inspire new topics. But you have to be strong enough to resist the Inner Critic, who will whisper ways you could edit what’s already been published.

Remember, my method may not work for everyone. And it doesn’t work for me when I write anything fiction – flash, short story, novella, etc. But I figured, seeing how I’m most definitely not the only former perfectionist in the world, this process might help others write posts or articles for their blog or website.

Photo credit: David Ashe

Hopefully, [one of] your blog’s main objectives is the ability to connect with other people: from those down the street to those on the other side of the world. And if that is the main purpose of your blog, networking will likely be the easiest way to get more visitors. It may seem an obvious next step but more often than not it’s the step most bloggers skip, choose to ignore or don’t know about.

Before you network, answer these questions:

• Why do I want to network? If you answer “to get more people to read my blog,” then you’re coming from a place of “take,” and the Universe will send you one-time visitors with whom you’ll form no bond. Build relationships, share knowledge, generate interest in a particular topic, support independent artists, etc. illustrate “give” answers.
• With whom do I want to network? This relates to your audience and the type of blog you maintain. For example, if you blog writing tips, writers are the obvious choice. But don’t be scared to narrow your focus.
• Where does / would my audience hang out? It’s important to pinpoint your target audience or else you’ll receive bunches of generalized visitors, which could mean a high bounce rate. Again, don’t be afraid to network within your niche and nowhere else, at least in the beginning. Solid connections are your goal as they will develop into lasting relationships.
• How do I want to connect? Your answer correlates to what you answered above. What if your audience is predominately on Twitter, but you can’t bring yourself to tweet or hadn’t planned on setting up a Twitter account? Then you may want to compromise. Know where you audience is and be there with them. Don’t let your lack of technology know-how stop you. There are literally millions of blogs and sites with easy-to-follow instructions.
• What will I share while networking? Are you going to reveal details about your personal life? Or will you keep interactions “on the surface” and only related to your blog’s theme?

Quick tips for quality networking:

1. Make it easy for readers to connect. Position your RSS link in a prominent location so readers can subscribe to your blog. The same goes for any e-mail subscription options. And don’t forget to share links to your Facebook, Twitter, YouTube profiles.
2. Share, share and share some more. Utilize plugins like ShareThis or AddThis to automate your networking. Also, get in the habit of, when you read a blog post you like, click the “Share” or “Like” button and add a personal message to let others know why they should check it out.
3. Include your blog link everywhere. Make sure your e-mail signature, forum signature and profiles all contain the URL of your blog. That way whenever you post a comment or tweet, visitors will be able to click the link to read more from you.
4. Leave comments on the blogs you visit. Many visitors will discover your blog just by seeing your name in the Comments section of their favorite blog. People are curious and like to click links, which is why #3 (your blog link) is crucial to have in place before you start commenting on others’ blogs.
5. Submit your blog to directories. There are gazillions of these nowadays; Technorati and Alltop are my faves. Click here for more.

Five networking habits to avoid:

• Don’t ever – and I mean ever(!) – spam readers.
• Don’t expect readers to share your posts or leave comments if you (1) don’t make it easy for them and/or (2) don’t ask them. “Comment with your thoughts below” or “click ‘Share’ if you liked this article” are all it takes, usually.
• Don’t include your blog link within the body of your message. One link in the signature or comment form is enough. The point is, give more than you take.
• Don’t hijack a “conversation” with useless comments. Take the time to read the previous comments and join in only if you have something to add. Sometimes “I loved your post” or similar comments are acceptable, but take the time to let the author know why; this shows her you really read it and cared enough to elaborate.
• Don’t “follow” every single blog you come across. Be selective and relationship-building will be that much easier. Quality over quantity is key.

Quality networking and valuable content are built on The Golden Rule. Remember that, and you’ll start off with a solid foundation to get more visitors to your blog.

Author’s Note: I was inspired to write this series of posts because I’m sick of seeing what I love about blogs (and other social media) being exploited; therefore, I wanted to remind people (those who care about keepin’ it real) that you don’t have to be “an expert” or tech genius to get your blog in front of its intended audience. Hopefully, these posts will help bloggers connect with that audience.

Photo credit: Thomas Picard

It’s not much of a surprise: if there’s a way to exploit people’s ignorance, someone will give it a go. My clients are consistently shocked with how much I’m able to do for them because I don’t hype my extensive experience in social media marketing and SEO. That is why I always recommend they get a second and third opinion before dishing out hundreds and thousands of dollars to anyone claiming to be “an expert.”

The big secret to get more visitors to your blog is: The Golden Rule. Does anyone remember that old thing? Basically, you treat others how you would want to be treated in the same situation. So how does that apply to blog traffic? Simple, really.

Why do you visit a particular blog? Is it because of their fancy design? Or their page ranking? Or the amount of back links? I daresay nope.

Chances are you visit a blog because its author wrote a post (or comment) that grabbed your attention. Maybe a catchy headline piqued your interest. Or maybe the author discussed a topic for which you’d been searching. Perhaps you felt a personal connection with the author. And once you were on their blog, you liked what you saw and stayed a while. The point being, the content was valuable to you; it fit your immediate needs.

How do you know if your content is valuable?

It is something you want to read when you take off your “Writer” hat.

Quick tips for valuable content:

1. Identify your audience. The audience depends your blog’s niche and purpose.
2. Be your audience. Put yourself in their mind. What information would you enjoy reading? Is your topic something that’s been written to death? Don’t guess, do a search to find out. If so, do you have a unique viewpoint to give it a fresh feel? Will you write the post to inform, inspire, or incite your audience?
3. Give the post an accurate title with a fun twist. Your title should incorporate keywords and describe the post’s content but by all means give it some oopmh.
4. Select keywords (a.k.a. tags and categories) to attach to your post. Tags and categories make it easier for your audience to find exactly what they’re looking for. Think like a reader when you pick keywords.
5. Publish posts on a regular basis. This doesn’t mean you have to publish every day or even every week. But a blog that’s updated frequently will attract more loyal readers. Readers want to connect and, if they can’t depend on that connection, they’ll look elsewhere.

You get the idea: Treat your blog’s visitors and readers how you’d want to be treated.

• Don’t force yourself to write a post; write because you want to and are excited about it.
• Don’t trick visitors with a headline that’s irrelevant to your post’s topic and/or content.
• Don’t stuff the post with unrelated keywords.
• Don’t stuff the post with keywords solely for the purpose of increasing traffic.
• Don’t write 500 words in one long continuous paragraph with no line breaks or formatting. And for pete’s sake, spell check!
• Don’t include oversized images or other large files. Link to them instead.
• Don’t rehash a topic that’s been done over and over and over.
• Don’t publish a post if it’s going to get buried underneath tons of affiliate ads. This is a personal pet peeve; it’s too overwhelming to find the content in between all those ads, so I just give up and look elsewhere. Keep the ads in the sidebar.

Remember, the first and most important step for how to get more visitors to your blog is to always write from a place built on The Golden Rule. Don’t forget your audience’s needs are first and foremost.

Think you have solid content? Then your next step would be networking and I’ll offer my two cents on that topic next week.

One caveat to the above suggestions is the blogger who journals. In your circumstance gaining readers is a little trickier because it’s more about making “friends” than attracting readers. It’s not impossible, and it might even be easier, but it most definitely means you must excel at networking.

Author’s Note: I was inspired to write this series of posts because I’m sick of seeing what I love about blogs (and other social media) being exploited; therefore, I wanted to remind people (those who care about keepin’ it real) that you don’t have to be “an expert” or tech genius to get your blog in front of its intended audience. Hopefully, these posts will help bloggers connect with that audience.

Photo credit:Shannah Pace

SUBSCRIBERS: If you like the re-design and want to continue receiving new posts via e-mail, then please re-subscribe using the e-mail icon in the sidebar. Unfortunately, I think I lost all my e-mail subscribers in the move to the new server, but I don’t feel right adding them myself manually. I really appreciate everyone who follows me via e-mail and I’d hate to lose any of you.

I’ve wanted to set up my blog on its own domain since I first started blogging in August 2008. However, every time I would attempt to tackle the subject of how to do that, my brain would overload and I put the issue off until “another time.” Then I started thinking about how much harder it would be to do the switch after working to promote my blog around the WWW. So I decided to stop dragging my feet and do it already.

I work with web sites a lot in my day job, which means their intricacies are not totally foreign to me. But after I performed a few searches for instructions on how to go about switching my WordPress.COM blog to my new WordPress.ORG blog, I was flabbergasted by the amount of confusing information. Thus, I completed the process using a few different sources, and decided I would write up my own instructions in an effort to help others in the same boat.

Therefore, the remainder of this post will contain step-by-step instructions on how to redirect a blog hosted by WordPress to a blog hosted by Bluehost. I hope this proves helpful. I’ve also included a link to download the below instructions in PDF because I’m sure there are people who, like me, prefer to print out instructions to follow along on paper as they move through each step.

Only thumbnails of the screenshots are provided below because the full-size shots would take forever to download.

Introduction

So you started your blog at WordPress.COM, but now you’ve decided to move it to WordPress.ORG.

No worries!

In just five steps, I’ll show you how to redirect your original blog hosted on WordPress to the new blog hosted elsewhere.

My original WordPress.COM blog / domain:

http://unleashtheflyingmonkeys.wordpress.com

My new WordPress.ORG blog / domain:

http://leahsaylorabney.com

I wanted to redirect the original domain so if anyone clicked on an original link, or typed the original domain name into their Internet browser’s address bar, they’d be automatically redirected to the new domain and see its name in the address bar.

This redirection is nothing more than a technical switch-a-roo.

However, I didn’t realize I wanted to create a set of instructions to share with others until after I’d already completed the redirect on the above domains. Therefore, some screenshots aren’t available, or won’t match exactly how your screen will look, but in those steps, I try to give an in-depth explanation to make up for the lack of a visual aid.

In addition, these instructions are specific to domains using Bluehost; however, you could use them for other hosts as long as you substituted that host’s settings in Steps 2 and 5.

These instructions also assume you’ve purchased both the new domain (e.g. leahsaylorabney.com) and web site hosting service (e.g. Bluehost) as well as successfully installed WordPress on your new site.

I hope you find this document helpful. If you have any comments, questions, or suggestions, please feel free to contact me and I’ll do my best to respond in a timely manner.

Feel free to share this document with others as long as it remains intact.

Warmest wishes,
Leah

Quick Reference Glossary

These simple instructions will redirect your WordPress.COM blog to WordPress.ORG as long as you follow them step-by-step, in the exact order in which they’re presented below.

This document is an example of the process that worked for me. I make no guarantees as to the validity of these instructions and I cannot be held liable for any problems or complications that arise from their use.

I highly recommend you read the entire document before you begin.

STEP 1 – The permalinks style for both blogs (aka domains) must match. If the permalinks do not match, the links from your WordPress.COM blog will not be redirected to your WordPress.ORG blog, and your visitors are likely to receive a 404 Error message.

1)   To verify, or update, the permalinks style on your new blog (aka new domain):

1. Log into the WordPress.ORG Administration Panel for your new blog (aka new domain).
2. In the left sidebar, scroll down until you find Settings, then click it to display a drop-down menu of options.
3. Click Permalinks. You should see the below screen.



4. Make sure the radio button beside Day and name is selected then click the Save Changes button.

STEP 2 – You need to prepare your new blog (new domain) to be temporarily mapped to the original blog (original domain); thus, you must update the nameservers in your new domain host account.

GoDaddy users check out pages 9-12 of this PDF created over at:
http://blog-well.com.

1)   To update the nameservers in Bluehost:

1. Log into your Bluehost Control Panel.
2. Click on the Domain Manager tab.
3. Under Please select a domain:
   
   1. Click 1 – Click the box beside the domain where you installed WordPress.ORG.
   2. Click 2 – Click the Nameservers tab.
4. Write down down the Default Nameservers.I advise you to copy and paste the default nameservers to Notepad or Wordpad, name it “blog-redirection” or something similar, and save the file to your hard drive.
5. Under the Nameservers tab:
   
   1. Click 1 – Select the radio button beside Use Custom Nameservers.
   2. Click 2 – Place cursor inside the first box and enter “ns1.wordpress.com” without the quotation marks. Place cursor inside the second box and enter “ns2.wordpress.com” without the quotation marks.
   3. Click 3 – Click on the Add Row text link. Place cursor inside the third box and enter “ns3.wordpress.com” without the quotation marks.
6. Click the Save Nameserver Settings button.The nameservers for your new blog (new domain) now refer to WordPress.COM. Log out of your Bluehost account.

** It can take as little as 5 minutes and as much as 72 hours for the updated nameservers to take effect. In my case, it only took 10 minutes. **

STEP 3 – Next, you must add your new blog (new domain) to your original blog (original domain) in your WordPress.COM account. This is referred to as “domain mapping.”

Please note: WordPress charges $9.97 USD per year for this service.

1)   To add a new domain to your original WordPress.COM account:

1. Log into your WordPress.COM Administration Panel.
2. In the left sidebar, click on Upgrades to display a drop-down menu of options.
3. Click on Domains.
4. Beside the Add a Domain field, enter your new domain name, then click the Add Domain button.
5. Complete the steps to purchase the domain mapping feature.
6. If your purchase is successful, you will see the new domain listed under the original domain.
   The screen would look similar to the below. Please note: I didn’t get to nab the screenshot for this step so the below won’t match exactly what you see.

You’ll also receive a system message at the top of the screen instructing you to wait until the mapping is successful before you attempt to redirect it.

STOP HERE! This is very important.

Patience is key. Wait until you can confirm the new domain is being mapped to the original domain.

This means when you enter your new domain name, examplename.com, you are automatically taken to examplename.wordpress.com.

It took several hours for this to happen when I completed this step. But this will vary depending on WordPress and your host servers.

STEP 4 – After you’ve confirmed the domain mapping, you can update the domains in your WordPress.COM account so the new blog is set as the primary domain.

1)   To change the primary domain in your WordPress.COM account:

1. From the Domains screen, select the radio button beside your new blog (new domain).
2. Click the Update Primary Domain button.
3. Just like with Step 3 you need to wait until this update is confirmed before you proceed to Step 5.

You’ll know that Step 4 is successful when you can enter your original blog name (original domain) and you’re automatically redirected to your new blog (new domain).

Please note: You will still see the original blog (original domain) theme and content so pay attention to the name in the Internet browser address bar.

It only took about 20 minutes for this to happen when I completed this step. But this will vary depending on WordPress and your host servers.

STEP 5 – Finally, you have to reset the nameservers in your host account in order to see the new blog’s (new domain’s) theme and content.

1)   To reset your new blog’s (new domain’s) nameservers:

1. Follow Steps 2-1-a, 2-1-b and 2-1-c listed on pages 4 and 5.
2. Under the Nameservers tab, select the radio button beside Use Default Nameservers.
3. Click Save Nameserver Settings.
4. You can consider this step a success when you are able to see the new blog’s (new domain’s) theme and content at both your original blog (original domain) and the new blog (new domain).

It only took about 20 minutes for this to happen when I completed this step. But this will vary depending on WordPress and your host servers.

I was also able to tell the update had been received by WordPress and was being processed by Bluehost when I clicked on “Log Out” in my WordPress.COM account and received a 404 Error message from my new blog (new domain).

The best budgets allow for “fun” types of expenditures, such as dining out and shopping. Why are these allocations vital to your budget’s success? It’s simple really. When you read, “$0.00 for dining out,” your ego feels constrained, suffocated by the finality of no eating out. It starts whining that it needs to eat out or else its life is depressing and boring. Of course, you may never eat out. But I guarantee, there is [at least] one area of your spending that isn’t a true necessity, and if you tried to reduce that spending to zero dollars every month, your ego would throw a temper tantrum.

The key to any successful budget is setting limits within which you can live comfortably while meeting your financial goals. Hence, the quickest way to ensure your budget’s failure is to set limits that are too rigid and nearly impossible to follow. This means you’re going to do some serious analysis of your money–where it’s coming from and where it’s going.

Don’t have a clue where your money’s going? No worries! My next post will delve deeper into the basics of budgeting by helping you figure out your personal and financial goals.

© 2009 by Leah Saylor-Abney.

The piece of advice I was commenting on–”Don’t talk about your child(ren) on the first date…”–does have an instance or two in which it would be smart to use.

Instance # 1: When you’re on a date with someone from whom you have no intention of seeking anything long-term. Perhaps you plan on dating this person for a while, having a little fun then amicably parting ways. In this situation, keeping the particulars of your personal life quiet is probably the best bet.

This doesn’t mean you have to lie (I will never endorse lying of any kind) or that I advocate not telling this person all about you, but when you know there’s no real future with this person, why waste time telling him about your son’s favorite character on Spongebob or what your daughter wants to be when she grows up?

Usually all these type of fellas wanna know is that you enjoy having “fun” with them and when you can hang out again. How can you tell if he’s that type of fella? The things he talks about, how inquisitive he is about your life apart from him, and whether he is a self-proclaimed lifetime bachelor. For example, I can tell a guy is into more than just the “fun” when I tell him I’m a single mom and he immediately asks questions about my daughter or encourages conversation revolving around kid-related topics or subjects. It can be tricky to discern his type straight away, but if you pay attention to your instincts, you’ll know.

As a side note, paying attention and listening to your instincts is a MUST for any woman but especially for single women. All too many times we hear those alarm bells in our heads but ignore them letting our left brains rationalize away what our right brains were picking up on.

Do NOT doubt your gut feelings; they are often the best, most honest reactions to any situation.

I’ve been reading a lot of dating advice for single moms online recently and I want to puke over most of it. “Don’t mention your child(ren) on the first date…” Are they serious? That’s like asking the single man on the date with the single mom not to mention his buddies, his career, or sports. Come on! If there’s something in my life I love, and about which I am passionate, I’m going to frickin’ talk about it. For example, I am a HUGE movie geek and I will often spew random movie quotes at people, including dates, just to gauge their own movie geek status. I ramble on about my writing and dreams.

It just so happens that I am passionate about being a mom. I’m not going to withhold telling my date about that week’s kids-say-the-darndest-things clip, simply because the RULES say I shouldn’t. For instance, the time my daughter came up to me and asked me a question about the plans for that day to which I responded really quickly, “I’m not sure yet.” After which she spouts off, not missing a beat, “I can dig it.” Or the humor and pride I feel when she uses words like “apparently” and “precisely” in the context of a nine year old’s sentence about Halloween or adults not listening to her. If my date’s not into the fact that I think my kid is funny as hell and deserves a mention, then he can go home alone and look for another less dedicated woman.

These dating advice columns say the reason behind this is the man knows you’re a single mom but he needs to know you’re more than that. What the hell? What’s more important than being a mother? A good mother proves you’re dedicated, loving, compassionate, selfless and patient–okay, sometimes on the patience, hey we all know how trying kids can be when they’re testing us. I’d be more worried about the women who never seem to care much about where their kids are or what’s going on with their kids first before planning all their upcoming dates. If the kids are under 18, they’re a huge part of the mom’s life and they shouldn’t be hidden away in the closet like dirty little secrets. At least this is the way, in my opinion, it should be.

Producing a positive contribution to society starts with the parents and if it’s just you doing the teaching, nurturing, and discipline then that’s all on your shoulders and it’s something to take seriously.

Of course if you’re not really trying to land a long-term relationship then I could see where keeping the kid talk to a minimum would be beneficial, even smart. I’ll add more on that topic soon.

For the record, every relationship I’ve ever been in, the man told me my passion about everything in my life is one of my best qualities. This includes how crazy I am about my daughter so either I’m picking the exceptions to this dating rule or the rule isn’t worth the paper it’s written on. Oh wait, it’s published electronically, so I guess that says enough right there.

I am writing from the country of Single Mom: Absent Father From Day One in the world of Singlemomdom. But I feel I have a lot to offer all single moms not just those in the same country as me. I also call my current dating status Singledom and for a while was resigned to being a permanent resident of Singledom, which is a state of Singlemomdom.

But, a couple months ago someone (who I will refer to as “Dimples”) changed my mind on that sad mindset. I’ve contacted my travel agent about taking a vacation outside of Singledom for a while to test out the waters over there in Datingville.

In all seriousness, I want to touch upon a sensitive subject for a lot of single moms–dating.

Man, it’s a crazy world out there for just plain, old singles let alone those of us with the mom tag added to the single label. For some reason, we’re thrown into this whole other demographic of women simply because we have children. Sure, we have special circumstances and tighter schedules, but for the most part we have many of the same dating issues as childless women.

Or am I living in a dream world? Or maybe I’m just a totally different kind of single mom?

More to come on the topic of single moms and dating.