Last week’s post, Failure Is Not an Option; It’s a Necessity, discussed commitment to forward motion no matter how many check marks accumulate under the “Fail” column on my list of goals for 2010. The comments – both on the blog and via e-mail – were fabulous.

And very much appreciated!

However, I found myself wondering why so many readers responded with “Don’t give up!” or “Never quit” – as if my confessed failures would dissuade me. It was then I realized some people were under the impression sharing my failures meant I would consider quitting or giving up.

Nothing could be further from the truth.

When I fail I don’t even see quit as an option. Instead, I see an opportunity to learn and grow. Another way to prove how much better I can be or do.

The reason I share my not-so-stellar moments on this blog is two-fold: (a) to demonstrate how much I enjoy being honest at all times, even during the rough patches, and (b) to help other people, who feel like failures, realize they don’t have to give up or be afraid to admit their failures or mistakes.

Here are my revamped goals for 2010:

My Passions

Somewhere along the way I lost sight of my core passions – the passions without which my life would feel empty and joyless. They are (1) my daughter (2) my writing (3) reading, and (4) movies. You may look at my passions and think, “Movies? You’d feel empty without movies?” But, honestly, yes. The immense delight movies give me is second only to reading a book, which probably dates back to my unhappy childhood and the refuge I found in books and later in film.

The interesting thing is, I discovered all four core passions intertwine rather seamlessly with one another, which makes for much easier goal-setting.

(1) My Daughter

Geez, I love that kid! But she’s not little anymore; she’s officially a young woman now, and while most moms probably find the transition from “kid” to “tween” or “teen” scary and sad, I’m stoked. It’s exciting to share in her growth, to nurture her passions, to coach her during the uncertain times, to comfort her when she’s sad, and to celebrate the hell out of the happy moments. However, sticking with total honesty, I struggle with balance.

So, here’s what I really want to achieve / put into place: A consistent and pleasant balance in our daily routine.

The biggest obstacle to overcome here is my business – the nature of the service I provide conflicts with what I’d like to accomplish in my personal life.

(2) My Writing

First, in case I didn’t shout it loud enough five months ago, I finished my novel. It’s been shelved since then but it is written. For that accomplishment I am super proud of myself. (You should hear my Inner Critic right now, “But it needs revised. It’ll probably need rewritten. You’ll never find a publisher.” And on and on. Getting him to shut the eff up is still a constant battle.)

Second, for those who haven’t read my About page, I established a writing routine and I’ve stuck with it. Finally! That’s another huge accomplishment for me. (Again with the damn Inner Critic, “Notebooks full of ideas, half-written stories, scene cards, and finished but unpublished short stories aren’t anything to be proud of.” See what I put up with? Good thing I’m stronger than him.)

So, here’s what I really want to achieve / put into place: Finish the current story before I start or move onto the next.

The biggest obstacle to overcome here is my expertise in procrastination – unfortunately, my blog and networking are my preferred method of putting off to tomorrow what I could finish today. Therefore, I’m only allowed to write blog posts, tweet or update Facebook after I’ve contributed to my current story each day. Of course a little flexibility will be needed for those days when I hit a creative roadblock, but I’ve found when I do run into those obstacles, writing blog posts – especially movie reviews – stimulates my Muse.

(3) Reading

Alas, the 75 Book Challenge is now officially out of my reach for 2010. I’m a fast reader but I can’t do 54 books in 71 days unless I re-read all the books I own under 300 pages. But I want to read for enjoyment not just to get it over with.

So, here’s what I really want to achieve / put into place: A consistent reading routine much like what I did with my writing.

The biggest obstacle to overcome here is the couch magnet – lately I’ve had a really tough time choosing a book over the TV. I don’t know why either; I love reading and when I crack open a new story, I usually can’t close the book until I’m finished. And when I watch TV I usually zone out anyway. My desire to read is stronger than any excuse though. Weekends are the optimal time to read, I’ll start there.

Oh, and I’m seriously considering canceling my satellite service to see how it would be to live without TV for a while. Whenever I talk about it, I feel excited, so maybe I need to just do it already. Gawd would my productivity increase! Probably double. But my daughter might disown me – she’s loves TLC and Discovery.

(4) Movies

Well, I don’t really have trouble making time for movies. Oh, how I love them!

So, here’s what I really want to achieve / put into place: A consistent movie routine – both watching and reviewing.

The biggest obstacle to overcome here is other more important responsibilities – my business, my daughter, or my writing is usually the reason why I don’t watch a movie. And mood / frame of mind also affects my motivation to stay focused and take notes (for writing reviews) rather than get lost in the film’s world.

My Plan

I will do as much as possible to make progress on these four core passions with the remaining 71 days in 2010. If I don’t meet (or exceed) these goals, then I will simply add whatever was missed to my list for 2011. No pressure. No deadlines. Just be present each day and move forward. I don’t know if I’ll “succeed” but I know I won’t give up.

Photo credit: Patrick Q (Flickr)

I’ve handpicked the top five songs to inspire writing in heavy emotional scenes and/or scenes primarily centered around a character, his thoughts and actions, and how his world and others will be affected by them. These songs evoke specific emotions from me that filter down through my muse into my words. Sometimes the lyrics are the key; sometimes it’s a mixture of the singer’s voice, the melody, and the mood.

Eyes on Fire by Blue Foundation

You’ve probably heard Eyes on Fire before – it was featured in Twilight (2008) – but didn’t know what it was called or who it was by. I play this song most often during scenes between two characters who have some sort of attraction for each other yet cannot consummate their desires.

No One’s Gonna Love You by Band of Horses

I’m slightly infatuated with Band of Horses. From the first time I heard The Funeral, I was hooked. A few weeks ago, I posted another song by them, I Go To The Barn Because I Like. But my favorite song, by far, is No One’s Gonna Love You. The lyrics, the music and Ben Bridwell’s vocals: perfection, or pretty damn close.

9 Crimes by Damien Rice

If you watched the movie Closer (2004), you heard Damien Rice’s The Blower’s Daughter, which is quite a sad, romantic song in itself. However, the one I listen to most for scenes with serious emotional decisions or consequences is 9 Crimes.

If You Go Away by Emiliana Torrini

I first heard If You Go Away when I watched the movie Pumpkin (2002). The lyrics are sad. The melody is equally gut-wrenching. However, it’s Emiliana Torrini’s haunting voice that makes the song almost overwhelming from an emotional viewpoint. Let me put it like this: If you’ve ever loved and lost, If You Go Away will tug (hard) at your heartstrings.

Trouble by Ray LaMontagne

No explanation is necessary for this one, at least in my opinion. There’s just something about Trouble that gets my creative juices flowing. It’s inspired me to write one of the steamiest sex scenes I ever attempted. Maybe I’ll share that scene on my blog someday and really live up to my NC-17 rating.

What song (or songs) inspire your writing?

When I completed Holly Lisle’s How to Think Sideways course, I had a firm grip on my tendency to want to be perfect. For a while, over a year, I thought I had won the war. Apparently, my win was only in the battle column. I guess 30 years of being one way isn’t going to be remedied in a little more than 12 months. Oh well, lesson learned.

When you aim for perfection, you discover it’s a moving target. ~ Geoffrey F. Fisher

The good thing is I spotted the assassin sneaking past my infantry – bastards must be asleep on the job – and into my stronghold, so I’m on guard and ready for some hand-to-hand combat, in which I know I will be victorious. But it’s exhausting – fighting those old battles – and I have to stay focused on the plan and the end result.

How did I spot that familiar, old foe of mine?

He showed his ugly face:

• In my dwindling daily word count. I should be closer to 60,000 rather than a measly 22,630.

• In my decreasing excitement for, and loyalty to, Buzzards. I love the story; my scene cards are rockin’ and my muse continues to surprise me, but I’ve started questioning her ideas. Sigh.

• In my inability to finish three short stories about which I’m super stoked to write.

• In an increase in that damned inner critic’s whispers of “Really? What do you have to offer the world with your outrageous stories?” Grrr.

How will I beat perfect’s sneaky tactics?

I will continue to:

• Write. Write. And write some more.

• I won’t be so hard on myself about Buzzards. It’s on spec and I’m still learning the processes that work best for me as a writer.

• I will finish what I start. Even if I fear it’s a big pile of poopy, I will finish the story.

• No more listening to my inner critic during the first draft. He’s grumpy and lonely and thrives on misery. I am none of those things and do not desire to join in on the negativity party.

Yeah, Leah, that sounds fabulous, but how do you know you’ll win the war this time?

Easy: I don’t.

But I never give up and I refuse to be dissuaded from the path I’m on. Along with my vast imagination and list of “what ifs,” my persistence is neverending. So, here’s to doing what I want to do, planning to meet my goals, and looking forward to the future.

WEB RESOURCES

Pitfalls of Perfectionism by Hara Estroff Marano

Are You a Perfectionist? by Discovery Health

10 Steps To Conquer Perfectionism by Therese J. Borchard

The one thing I am most proud of is the fact that I haven’t procrastinated one time in 13 days.

“Hello, my name is Leah, and I’m a recovering procrastinator.”

If something popped into my head – something important – and I heard that little voice whisper, you can do it tomorrow, then I completed the task straight away. And let me tell you, it felt freaking awesome!

For example, I woke up early today, around 5:30 AM EST, with a nudge from my muse to write this post. Really I think she was just desperate for me to write anything other than CSS . But I continued laying there, all snuggie under my fluffy comforter, contemplating whether to get up to write before work or wait until after work.

Then it hit me — if I wait until after work, my eyes will be ready to pop out of their sockets and my enthusiasm about publicly humiliating myself will surely fade. So I hopped outta bed and started writing this post.

Okay, the self-congratulation is over.

Next up, the public humiliation and self-flagellation.

Goal #1 – Write at least 1,000 words a day for Buzzards.

Results – I wrote a little over 3,000 words between January 2 – January 12, 2010. Therefore, I’m about 70% behind.

Yikes! I figured this would be the toughest goal for me but damn! 70% behind? Not good. I don’t want to make excuses because writers write, so no matter if I’ve had double the tasks at work or my daughter’s lessons or household chores, I should’ve achieved this goal. However, after I publish this post, I won’t chastise myself over this failure again.

Going forward, I will do better.

In an effort to readjust and get back on track with my plan for 2010, I’ve created a thorough yet flexible daily schedule, in which I’ve allocated at least two hours each day for my manuscript.

Goal #2a – Write at least one book review per week then post it on my blog.

Results – The last book review I wrote was on December 29, 2009.

Uh, yeah, there’s another goal I failed to reach. To be honest, I just haven’t allocated enough time each day to read and, when I do read, I’m not doing so at my usual breakneck pace, which means it’s taking me longer to finish the books than I originally planned.

Going forward, I will do better.

Thanks to the new daily schedule, there’s a minimum of two hours per weekday allotted for reading and the weekends have a minimum of fours hours per day.

Goal #2b – Write at least one movie review per week then post it on my blog.

Results – I wrote three movie reviews between January 2 – January 12, 2010.

Have I mentioned what a huge movie geek I am? Yep, it’s pretty obvious since this is one of only two goals I met and exceeded. Of course, I do have a “Review” notebook full of notes on movies I’ve watched since June 2009 but not yet reviewed. And the reviews I did post thus far weren’t all that new, so I’d like to get back on track with watching one new movie per day, which will also help keep the well o’ movie reviews from running dry.

Per the new daily schedule, I’ve allotted two hours each day for watching movies. Yes, the new schedule uses every one of my 16 waking hours a day.

Goal #3 – Write an update on my manuscript at least once a week then post it on my blog.

Results -I wrote two updates between January 2 – January 12, 2010.

Yay! This was the second of two goals I actually accomplished, but I’m not 100% happy with only two posts in 10 days, which directly correlates to the fact that I didn’t meet Goal #1. I believe as long as I stay on target for Goal #1, I will remain on target for Goal #3.

Goal # 4 – Start a short story by January 8, 2010.

Results – No words as of January 13, 2010.

Yeah, I’m bummed about this one more than Goal #1. I’m super excited to write two particular short stories, but, again, I won’t go into the excuses. I will simply do my best to make the time available to start the story by January 15, 2010. Going forward, I will do better.

Goals #5 through #10 will be addressed on or before March 31, 2010, depending on how well I keep myself on track and moving forward on Goals #1 through #4.

Whew! I did it. Now everyone knows what I’ve accomplished and where I’ve failed. I hope reading about my progress helps you realize success and failure aren’t black or white.

You cannot set goals then never look back and expect to be successful. I’ve learned goals are best treated like children — set the rules; let them live without your constant supervision for a while; then sit down with them to examine whether they’re actually playing by those rules or running wild like Thing One and Thing Two.

If you discover the rules are being obeyed, sweet! You’re on the fast track to success. If you uncover candy wrappers stuffed in books or dirty laundry hidden under a pile of stuffed animals, then simply pinpoint those trouble spots and come up with an improved rule to get you back on the fast track.

The most important point to remember is: Do not – I repeat – do not continue mentally beating yourself down for the goals you don’t quite reach. That sort of behavior, or negative self-talk, is totally counterproductive and it will only impede further progress.

Look at what you’ve done, and what you haven’t done, assess how you can improve the results, then move forward!

How are your 2010 goals coming along?

For the past few months I didn’t know, not on a conscious level anyway, what the big twist would be in Buzzards. I had a couple of small ones worked out that I knew would relate to the big one but the details of the major twist eluded me until yesterday. Well it revealed itself, in a huge way, and while I love it, I’m worried it’s too much for most readers to stomach.

There are two concerns: First, I don’t want the twist to undo the bond between the reader and the female lead. Second, I don’t want the reader to be so turned off by the twist’s denotation, they put the book down and give up on the story.

I can’t really go into details or it’ll ruin the surprise; thus, I’m stumped how to go about getting feedback. I don’t belong to a local writing group and I don’t have an online crit partner. Holly touched on surprises and the Law of Unintended Consequences in Lesson 10 of Think Sideways, but I don’t remember reading anything about how to handle them.

Why, Muse? Why did you do this to me?

Here are my questions:

1. Should I even care about this when I haven’t finished the novel?
2. Once I finish the novel, should I worry about how the twist will affect some readers? It’s not shock for shock’s sake. It does add to the story–it’s an obstacle and additional tension; thus, more conflict. But it will hit a nerve.
3. The twist will provoke a “What would I do in her position?” response from the reader. Is that more powerful than the shock of a taboo situation?

My gut tells me to ignore the voice in my head – damn inner critic – and continue down this path. I mean, if the twist caught me off guard, it’s bound to do the same thing to the reader, which is what I want. Honestly, this is part of what’s stopped my progress in the past. I’d hit some point in the story where I thought too many jaws would drop so I froze up and quit. I refuse to do that ever again but this is new and scary territory.

I guess the only option is keep writing and see what happens.

What do you think?

I wanted to do two things with this post: First, I wanted to find out what you have planned for 2010. Second, I wanted to make a quick note of what I plan to do, writing wise, this year.

1. Finish Buzzards. March 1st is the deadline.
2. Blog about a book I read and a movie I watched. This has a weekly deadline.
3. Blog about the progress on my WIP each week. Or more often if I hit a block, have a breakthrough, or just need to vent.
4. Write a short story under 5,000 words based on one of the ideas in my writing journal. Chances are it’ll be “Garbage Day” because, as of right now, it’s the one I’m most excited to start next. There’s a close runner-up so this could change depending on who my muse likes more when I sit down to write. I plan to start on January 8th and finish no later than January 30th.
5. Revise and submit one of my short stories; preferably “Garbage Day” to a zombie anthology. March 31st is the deadline.
6. Finish Wolf. August 1st is the deadline.
7. Revise and submit Buzzards. I’ll work on #6 and #7 at the same time per a suggestion I read this week; hence, August 1st is the deadline. However, I really want to have it revised by April 30th.
8. Start Heartless. August 23rd (or before) is the deadline.
9. Revise and submit Wolf. I’ll work on #8, #9 and #10 at the same time so December 31st is the deadline.
10. Finish Heartless. December 31st is the deadline.

Are these goals too ambitious?

Perhaps.

Especially when I have to work around my business; my daughter’s daily lessons; and hopefully, a smidgen of a personal life; all of which come with their own list of goals. But before you send an e-mail with the pitfalls of biting off more than one can chew, I should tell you I always – always – aim big on my goals. What if I don’t accomplish every single one? No biggie. I’ll just move it to my list for 2011. But I’ve found with enough focus and persistence, all goals are attainable.

An inspirational father and coach on Extreme Makeover: Home Edition advised his sons, and those he mentors, to:

Aim for the moon. If you miss it, reach out and grab a star.

Remember, the only way to get things done is to first acknowledge what you want to get done. So either make a physical list or a mental list, but visualize where you want to be at the end of 2010, identify the steps you need to take to get there, then act. I know some of us struggle with procrastination so get into the habit of action.

Or, even more poignant, “The art of writing is the art of applying the seat of the pants to the seat of the chair.” In other words, do whatever it is you want to do. Don’t just dream about it; don’t just talk about it; don’t just blog about it. Do it.

I can’t wait to live this year to its fullest. I hope you will do the same!

What are some of your goals or plans for 2010?

Finish school? Finish your current work-in-progress? De-clutter your office? Start recycling?

I wanna hear about ‘em, big or small.

This is one of the main reasons I’ve always been scared of planning in my writing. I was so sure that any sort of pre-planning would kill any and all hope of potential twists and turns in my story. Plus, I’d read numerous articles, by very famous authors, who proclaimed they did no planning whatsoever. They just sat down at their typewriters or computers and, from start to finish, wrote the story I’d read. So I thought this was how all good writers wrote.

Well, let me tell you, I’ve never had a better grasp of my stories than after I began using Holly Lisle‘s techniques. I get pings of inspiration, potential twists, and new directions all the time, especially during the planning phases, but even after I’m finished planning, which is when I most feared losing my spark. And Holly’s Sentence Lite is the ultimate way to plan while not stifling my muse’s need to create and explore.

I’ve also learned some great ways to cultivate surprises and goosebumps and shivers down the spine–only time will tell if I’ve successfully implemented them though ;P

For years, I’ve cataloged and inventoried my CD and DVD collections, but I’ve never gotten around to doing my books. The wait is over. I began using LibraryThing on July 23, 2009 and I’ve already added 200 books to my library. Free memberships are only allowed to add up to 200 books. Paid memberships are allowed an unlimited number of books. The paid memberships are very affordable and they even offer a $25 lifetime membership, which for a book lover, possibly bordering on hoarder, that’s right up my alley.

My favorite part of LibraryThing is the ability to tag all of the books in your collection. This means you can search your library for books sharing the same tag or you can search other users’ tags. While browsing my library’s author tag cloud, I realized that I don’t diversify in my personal reading as much as I want to–I saw a lot of the same authors and  I’m not reading nearly enough non-fiction.

Plus, you can search through the entire LibraryThing author tag cloud. It’s like digging for buried treasure. The great thing about their author tag cloud is you can discover thousands of authors you’ve never heard of or re-discover authors you might’ve forgotten about. For example, by simply scrolling down the page, I was able to see that Neil Gaiman is super popular as are William Shakespeare and Terry Pratchett, and I found an author I’d never heard of, Orson Scott Card, simply by scrolling down the page and seeing his tag was huge, meaning a lot of users had added books by him.

Now, if only WordPress would allow scripts, then I could embed the LibraryThing widget directly in my blog.

Check it out! Let me know what you think about LibraryThing or similar services.

WARNING: If you decide to visit the LibraryThing website, please consider that once you start, you won’t be able to stop. I’ve spent probably a total of 8 hours on the site so far, which is great for my growing list of “to read” books, but not so good for my [selectively ignored] daily “to do” list. Please realize the site might possibly be one of the biggest time sucks I’ve run across. But it’s fun and informational. Just consider yourself warned :-)

I think I connect with this poem because so many of us blame our childhoods for who we are or why we turned out this way. Personally, I think we choose to be the people we are. Yes, our environment can shape our views of the world, but we can choose to re-shape those views into different ones.

On an emotional level, this poem resonates with me because I feel utterly alone when I read it. For me, it takes me to those darks moments, in childhood and adulthood, when I felt as if no one would ever get me. Those lonely times when I felt like I was weird and dark and scary for the visions I’d see, for the words I’d write, for the thoughts I’d think.

That’s the gift of a great writer–having the ability to transport the reader to the exact place you were at when you wrote your piece. I aspire to that sort of greatness.

If you’d like to read the poem online, follow this link.

If you’d like to watch a visual interpretation of the poem, click the “play” button below. If you have troubles with the You Tube player, simply click here.

A poet, I am not. I wrote this today whilst trying not to react to the desperate jabs of my ex-boyfriend’s broken heart. I’m beginning to think he will never learn how to truly let go of something and move on. He holds onto his hurts like a collection of knick knacks–he arranges them all neatly on shelves, he can recall when and how he acquired each one, he dusts them off so they stay clean and like new, and each one defines who he is. It’s really one of the saddest things I’ve ever witnessed.

He has so much potential, but he allows all of his baggage to define and direct his life rather than taking active control of where his path leads. He’s constantly looking at what’s happened (the past) or what he’s lost. How depressing is that? I prefer to look at what could happen (the future) and what I still have, and this strategy has gotten me through painful experiences by shifting the focus away from the negative and toward all the positives in my life.

He says this latest jab was an effort to show me what is wrong with me so I can decide whether I want to change or fix those things. Yeah, I’m going to take advice from someone who couldn’t see themselves if they were standing in front of a mirror. I will not be torn apart by the observations of someone who, for the majority of his 29 years, only experienced life through books and film. Yes, reading Sex for Dummies will teach you about dating, relationships and sex. But knowledge isn’t the same thing as experience.

He wrote that he had some very serious things to tell me but he couldn’t take it if I replied. He went on to write that a response to his e-mails wasn’t even necessary. Yep, that’s someone in touch with the dynamics of a relationship. Once you’ve experienced a wide range of what life has to offer, then I’ll listen to your observations on how I can improve as a person. Until you’re operating as an active person in society, I’m deaf to your words.

I see me. All of me. I know what I love about myself and I know what I detest. I will never change for anyone but me. No one will ever make me happy. No one will ever ruin my life. I think it actually disappointed him that I could live happily without him in my life. He never understood, and probably never will, that everyone should be able to live happily ever after by themselves. If you can’t, well, I’ve learned there’s something deep inside you that won’t ever allow you to be happy with someone else or love and be loved in the way you deserve. I’ve done a lot of personal growth throughout my 31 years. And I plan to continue that growth, hopefully on a daily basis.

I do not hate him. I do not feel much for him at all after the e-mails he sent this week. Not because of what he said, but for the fact that he refused to respect the boundaries we put in place when our relationship ended. He’s probably still checking my MySpace account and this blog on a daily basis. I asked him repeatedly not to write, yet he continued. All that shows me is he has a total lack of respect for boundaries and he is totally ignorant in how to handle his emotions when he’s hurt–neither of which is appealing or reassuring.

I hope he’ll find himself sooner than later, and I hope he achieves all of the potential I see in him. But I will not play along with the story he’s writing for himself on the topic of our relationship. Negativity is contagious and I’m putting him in quarantine. Misery loves company too much to let someone who’s happy, just be.

That’s why he and I, as lovers and as friends, are finished. I’ve known him for about five years so writing those words is a little sad. However, I know this is the right decision for both of us. If he could just see and accept that this could be one of the best things for him…