I don’t know who said this, but it inspires me. It follows along the same lines as another post I made a few weeks ago about writing because you have something to say. I write what makes me feel alive. I write or else the crazy cast of characters I carry around will slowly drive me insane. I write so I don’t drive my family nuts with yet another conspiracy theory or new twist on what really happened to the neighbor’s husband. I write because my voice is never more clear, never more true, than when it’s on paper. My words and my stories are part of me, revealed to the world, vulnerable to everyone who dares read them. I write because I have to.

Why do you write? What’s the craziest theme you’ve explored in your writing? How about the silliest?

This is one of the main reasons I’ve always been scared of planning in my writing. I was so sure that any sort of pre-planning would kill any and all hope of potential twists and turns in my story. Plus, I’d read numerous articles, by very famous authors, who proclaimed they did no planning whatsoever. They just sat down at their typewriters or computers and, from start to finish, wrote the story I’d read. So I thought this was how all good writers wrote.

Well, let me tell you, I’ve never had a better grasp of my stories than after I began using Holly Lisle‘s techniques. I get pings of inspiration, potential twists, and new directions all the time, especially during the planning phases, but even after I’m finished planning, which is when I most feared losing my spark. And Holly’s Sentence Lite is the ultimate way to plan while not stifling my muse’s need to create and explore.

I’ve also learned some great ways to cultivate surprises and goosebumps and shivers down the spine–only time will tell if I’ve successfully implemented them though ;P

I think I connect with this poem because so many of us blame our childhoods for who we are or why we turned out this way. Personally, I think we choose to be the people we are. Yes, our environment can shape our views of the world, but we can choose to re-shape those views into different ones.

On an emotional level, this poem resonates with me because I feel utterly alone when I read it. For me, it takes me to those darks moments, in childhood and adulthood, when I felt as if no one would ever get me. Those lonely times when I felt like I was weird and dark and scary for the visions I’d see, for the words I’d write, for the thoughts I’d think.

That’s the gift of a great writer–having the ability to transport the reader to the exact place you were at when you wrote your piece. I aspire to that sort of greatness.

If you’d like to read the poem online, follow this link.

If you’d like to watch a visual interpretation of the poem, click the “play” button below. If you have troubles with the You Tube player, simply click here.

A poet, I am not. I wrote this today whilst trying not to react to the desperate jabs of my ex-boyfriend’s broken heart. I’m beginning to think he will never learn how to truly let go of something and move on. He holds onto his hurts like a collection of knick knacks–he arranges them all neatly on shelves, he can recall when and how he acquired each one, he dusts them off so they stay clean and like new, and each one defines who he is. It’s really one of the saddest things I’ve ever witnessed.

He has so much potential, but he allows all of his baggage to define and direct his life rather than taking active control of where his path leads. He’s constantly looking at what’s happened (the past) or what he’s lost. How depressing is that? I prefer to look at what could happen (the future) and what I still have, and this strategy has gotten me through painful experiences by shifting the focus away from the negative and toward all the positives in my life.

He says this latest jab was an effort to show me what is wrong with me so I can decide whether I want to change or fix those things. Yeah, I’m going to take advice from someone who couldn’t see themselves if they were standing in front of a mirror. I will not be torn apart by the observations of someone who, for the majority of his 29 years, only experienced life through books and film. Yes, reading Sex for Dummies will teach you about dating, relationships and sex. But knowledge isn’t the same thing as experience.

He wrote that he had some very serious things to tell me but he couldn’t take it if I replied. He went on to write that a response to his e-mails wasn’t even necessary. Yep, that’s someone in touch with the dynamics of a relationship. Once you’ve experienced a wide range of what life has to offer, then I’ll listen to your observations on how I can improve as a person. Until you’re operating as an active person in society, I’m deaf to your words.

I see me. All of me. I know what I love about myself and I know what I detest. I will never change for anyone but me. No one will ever make me happy. No one will ever ruin my life. I think it actually disappointed him that I could live happily without him in my life. He never understood, and probably never will, that everyone should be able to live happily ever after by themselves. If you can’t, well, I’ve learned there’s something deep inside you that won’t ever allow you to be happy with someone else or love and be loved in the way you deserve. I’ve done a lot of personal growth throughout my 31 years. And I plan to continue that growth, hopefully on a daily basis.

I do not hate him. I do not feel much for him at all after the e-mails he sent this week. Not because of what he said, but for the fact that he refused to respect the boundaries we put in place when our relationship ended. He’s probably still checking my MySpace account and this blog on a daily basis. I asked him repeatedly not to write, yet he continued. All that shows me is he has a total lack of respect for boundaries and he is totally ignorant in how to handle his emotions when he’s hurt–neither of which is appealing or reassuring.

I hope he’ll find himself sooner than later, and I hope he achieves all of the potential I see in him. But I will not play along with the story he’s writing for himself on the topic of our relationship. Negativity is contagious and I’m putting him in quarantine. Misery loves company too much to let someone who’s happy, just be.

That’s why he and I, as lovers and as friends, are finished. I’ve known him for about five years so writing those words is a little sad. However, I know this is the right decision for both of us. If he could just see and accept that this could be one of the best things for him…

This is one quote I really need to read on a regular basis. Holly Lisle touches on this in her courses as well. I would often try to craft my stories around what people might want to read (or hear) instead of just writing the dang story from my head and from my heart. I think that notion ties into my perfectionist tendencies–if I can’t do it perfectly the first time, why even start?–and my fear of rejection.

The truth is, a lot of people connect with a story written from a place of honesty and vulnerability, somewhere deep within the author, rather than one written to sell 1,000,000 copies.

I connect most with the last sentence of this quote because it is so true. There are hundreds, if not thousands, of “fairy tales” in the world¹. They’ve been told in thousands of different ways. But my stories are unique because they are mine. I am the only one who can tell these stories, my stories, and the only way I can do that is to write, write, write.

Who cares if everyone in the world flips their lid over it? Who cares if everyone in the world gets it? Who cares if it sells 1,000,000 copies? My story, the one only I can tell, will be told. That’s THE point. That’s THE reward. Obviously, paying the bills wouldn’t hurt either, but that’s not my primary objective.

Of course, there will be a lot of revision in there as well and probably a ton of words getting thrown out and possibly computericide² if I feel the screen is just not showing me what I see in my mind. It’s nice to blame something other than myself sometimes, especially if it’s an inanimate object³.

In the end, I accomplished my goal–it was my story, I felt the need to tell it, and I did.

I don’t have to churn out pages of mind-blowing greatness every time I sit down. I just need to write. After I’ve written, I go back to discover if anything I’ve written is worthy of sharing with anyone else. If not, so what? By worthy I mean, after reading my story, the reader’s brain won’t seep out their ears into a useless pile of ooze.

Really, the thing I’ve made the hardest about writing my books, is the easiest. I know what I have to say. I know the questions (aka themes) burning in my brain and tugging at my heart. Now I just have to write.

² I define “computericide” as the act of murdering one’s computer.

³ I don’t really blame my poor computer. I don’t blame anyone or anything. That’s because blame implies at some point I didn’t have the CHOICE to avoid whatever consequence I’m now seeking to push off on someone other than myself.

Blame is very simply placing the responsibility onto another person, place or thing. It’s useless when you seriously think about it because what happened, happened. Nothing you can do or say can change it. So why blame the result on someone or something else? What do you gain by blaming? The sense of peace (ignorant bliss) that comes from feeling you weren’t responsible for whatever happened?

Why do so many of us so willingly give up what little control (in the form of choices) we do have in this world?

Hmm, interesting.

FYI: Direct TV has a new commercial in which one of the executives suggests they all “blamestorm,” that they have a ‘blamestorming” session. I roll on the floor laughing and snorting every time I see or hear it. That’s some funny stuff.

You may have noticed my weekly “Quote of the Week” posts have dwindled to non-existence over the past 30 days. Even my book reviews have been neglected. “Why?” you might ask. Welp, not one reason in particular really. My work schedule has been hectic with a lot of “Now!” projects on my plate. Then my personal life took an unexpected turn and then another unexpected turn and yet another one so that I’m full circle back to where I started.

Finally, I’m on my first real vacation in FOUR years! June 26th through July 5th. No “work” for 10 whole days. It’s effin awesome I tell ya. Work is so overrated. I set a goal for myself–while making my way-too-ambitious ‘to do on vacation’ list–to get the weekly quotes ready to go through August 1st, update my current WIP word count, which amazingly has gone up 1,000 words over the past two months (yay!), and to get the six book reviews I have scribbled down on paper into Flying Monkeys. All very do-able as long as I stay *gulp* focused.

So I do apologize for my AWOL-like behavior of late, but I promise, I’m still here. I’m still reading every day, sometimes two books a day. I’m still watching way too many movies for everyone else’s good as they’re subjected to my randomly spewing one-liners at them, which I find hilarious, but them, not so much. (Apparently, not enough people have watched Role Models to fully grasp the humor of hearing me tell my daughter, “I will hit a child,” without feeling like they should call in Children’s Services. I get a kick out of it though. On second thought, maybe I should stop quoting that line to strangers’ ill-mannered kids? That could be taking it a tad too far. Something to mull over later I s’pose.)

And, of course, I’m still writing. As a matter of fact, I’ve been bombarded by my muse lately. I see and hear so many stories that I can barely make note of them before I’m getting another burst of inspiration. I have so many unanswered questions that I’m dying to answer in my stories. It can be a little overwhelming sometimes. I love it!

My biggest goal continues to be implementing and maintaining a writing routine that fits into my already overfilled schedule. I read Holly’s “Write A Book With Me” post over on her blog today. Very interesting and I’m going to try it. Many of her techniques and strategies are working for me, why not try one more.

On that note, I am going to sign off for sleepy time.

Do you ever wonder how much more we could accomplish if we didn’t have to spend time on such trivial tasks as waste elimination and sleep?

Just something to ponder when you’re bored.

Toodles y’all!

Video on YouTube: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sPCn6hzQxaQ

Holly’s YouTube channel: http://www.youtube.com/user/HollyLisle

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I started blogging in August of 2008 so I’m relatively new to the scene. Blogger was the first tool I found so that’s where I created both my official and unofficial weblogs. However, after I graduated from the HtTS course, I decided to give WordPress a go. So far, so good.

I plan to write about whatever I’m most passionate on the day I make a post. My passions include writing, watching movies (mostly horror and indie films), reading, single parenting, animal rights, and living a simple life. Therefore, I’ve created categories and tags to help you find the topics in which you’re most interested.

All feedback and suggestions are welcome. Please feel free to e-mail me at leahabney (at) gmail (dot) com.

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